The I Am God Syndrome

I fear I haven’t been very nice to doctors lately. I’m afraid that I must admit that it has taken me awhile to understand that a very large number of them have been struck with a most terrible illness. Something happens in their brain, where while they act completely normal, they tend to tell any difficult patient that they are lying, not trying hard enough, exaggerating, or a combination of the above.

It’s called the I Am God Syndrome.

While I Am God Syndrome or IAGS afflicts a certain percentage of people, it is found most commonly in doctors. Their illness makes them susceptible to irrational and unfounded theories that the majority of patients are merely hypochondriacs or people just looking for attention.

If you have IAGS, it is imperative that you understand that it is actually your mind playing tricks on you, not the patient. Most people are or should be understanding that very few people would subject themselves to invasive tests, electrocution, needle prodding, and being shoved into MRI machines unless they really believed something was wrong. People with IAGS are under the wrongful impression that most patients benefit in some way, shape, or form with these tests. What patients are often hoping for are answers to what is going on with them. Very few people find the taste of contrast dye delightful or CAT scans restful. No one really wants to learn if they will be allergic to a necessary intravenous dye for a triple phase bone scan. And no one really wants to pay for these tests, even if partially covered by insurance.

People with IAGS have a tendency to be boastful, arrogant, and pretend that they have the answers to everything. If they do not have the answer to everything they will decide that the question posed is superfluous and created out of a psychiatric disorder.

Unfortunately, it is terribly difficult to treat people with IAGS as they believe they know everything and thus are perfectly fine. But when possible, people with IAGS need to swallow large doses of Compassion, Rationalization, and Belief. If possible, people with IAGS would benefit from Humbleness Infusions but most are resistant due to the possible side effects (including but not limited to meekness, dizziness, and realizing that they are only human).

If you are a patient being treated by someone with I Am God Syndrome, it is imperative for both your sakes that you drop the doctor like a hot potato. It’s not as if the doctor will bother treating you anyway, and you will most likely receive a series of utterly inane, utterly ridiculous, and utterly invasive tests that will undoubtedly rule inconclusive and a total waste of time as you’ll be then told that you have been faking.

The best way to find out if your doctor has IAGS is to look at a few key factors.

1. Do they have you in their office for more than five minutes?
2. Do they take the time to listen to your symptoms and ask you legitimate questions about them?
3. Do they say they have all the answers?

If they say they have all the answers, RUN. Run far away! If they admit to only being human and unfortunately not having the answers, then your doctor most likely does not have IAGS. Doctors without IAGS will tend to listen to your symptoms and discuss them with you, which takes far more than five minutes. If they don’t know what’s wrong, then they will most likely send you to a specialist to figure out what is wrong. These are the doctors you want.

As much as I hate to discriminate, this is one instance where it is absolutely crucial. Interacting with doctors who have I Am God Syndrome will leave you feeling like you’re a miserable, crazy, exaggerative faker. You might want to overindulge in things like food or retail therapy. You will also most likely be in more pain after doing unnecessary tests for no helpful results.

So please, stay away from doctors who have I Am God Syndrome. You will be better off for it and hopefully, eventually, doctors with IAGS will realize that they really have a problem, and when they do, they can take the necessary steps to cure themselves.

Perhaps if they just believed really hard, they’d be cured.

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3 Responses to The I Am God Syndrome

  1. Speaker of Words says:

    What/where is your copyright policy? I’d love it if I could send this to certain doctors I’ve seen (appropriately cited, of course).

  2. sashasmithy says:

    All I want is a link to the blog. 🙂

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