I’ve been in a bit of a mopey mood lately, and it’s certainly not something I enjoy. It started when I went to a neurologist to find out what was going on with my right leg. I used to call it my good leg, but haven’t in quite some time due to overcompensation issues but more and more recently it’s seemed as if the RSD might be spreading. A common test for RSD is the EMG which is basically sticking needles in the painful area of your body and electrocuting you.

In short, the neurologist didn’t find anything wrong that he could “see” and refused to give me a script for hand controls. At that moment in time, I had felt that hand controls, while not a necessity, having random spasms in my driving foot did not bode well for future safe driving. Of course, directly after the EMG and the denial of any issues whatsoever, my driving foot had completely lost it’s ability to be a driving foot. Whenever I try to move it, it shakes quite spectacularly. In fact, it shakes a bit more than when I try moving my definitely RSD leg which is quite interesting and also quite aggravating.

Luckily, I soon went to my GP where he was very helpful in writing me a script for a driving evaluation and hand controls and I found an outpatient rehab place who taught me how to drive using hand controls and found a place where I could get hand controls installed on my car.

During this, however, I had what I thought were double ear infections, where I would wake up with the room spinning around me. Recently, I learned that I am apparently having some issues with inner ear infections and/or benign positional vertigo. Which quite honestly, sucks. I haven’t been able to sleep a full seven or eight hours in over two weeks. I haven’t been able to lie down flat without the room spinning for over two weeks. The combination makes me a rather miserable person. And that’s not even accounting for the possibility that this vertigo mess might not go away…

And for the last month and a half, I’ve been depending on family members for rides and when you’re twenty-two and living alone it basically means you’re stuck inside and/or waiting on other people’s schedules. Now, I certainly appreciate the family members who have been giving me rides and coming to visit while I’m effectively housebound, but the inability to go where I need to go independently is not something I enjoy.

I had also just started job hunting again and have been in the awkward and unpleasant position of turning down job offers and interviews. After sending out quite a few resumes, this has been quite depressing.

The thing about moods and emotions is that while you can’t just will yourself to change your moods (if we could, we’d all be pretty happy people) we can control how we choose to deal with them. Although probably not the best way to deal with my mood, I’ve been buying lottery tickets and fantasizing about new cars and sports wheelchairs. I’ve also decided that I want to take up tennis and I have an entire list of things to buy if I ever win the lottery…Well okay, I’ve always had a list, but I’ve never gone so far as to buy tickets!

But today started out a bit differently than the past few weeks. Perhaps it’s because I actually slept well for more than two hours. But I decided that I’m not going to let a bit of dizziness stop my life. How ridiculous is that?! I’ve refused to let CRPS stop my life but all of a sudden add a bit of vertigo and I feel like I can’t function at all? That’s completely and utterly ridiculous. Do I want to be dizzy? No way in hell. Do I hope it will go away? Definitely. Am I going to mope and be miserable about it and do nothing with my life? Hell no.

Of course, this decision was easier to come to when I found out that I’ll be able to drive my car again by this weekend…which is pretty freaking sweet. I can start job hunting again, actually make it to scheduled interviews, and do all the basic things on my own again.

It’s pretty exciting.

And I’m pretty happy today.

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7 Responses to Moods

  1. Sai says:

    I’m impressed that you can get a script for hand controls. I remember being rather unimpressed at the cost of having them installed in my car, especially considering that i cannot claim any disability benefit. I hope they make an improvement!

    • sashasmithy says:

      I got the script for an evaluation for hand controls, there’s no way to actually get a script for hand controls themselves apparently and had to pay full price to get them installed in my car. The controls are absolutely terrific and completely worth the money! Thanks! šŸ™‚

      • Jhastin says:

        Hi,I am Martha, a sociology major from Bloomsburg University in Pennsylvania. I am blind, have derpession, and work with a service dog. I am doing research about bloggers with disabilities. Since blogs are fairly recent, they have not been studied often, and as with most sociological research, disability is rarely discussed. If disability is studied, it is done by able-bodied people. I have enjoyed reading your blog and would like to interview you about why you blog about disability, advantages and disadvantages of blogging, ETC if you are interested. If you decide to participate, no identifying information will be used.Thank you,Martha

      • Vandreza says:

        Always a good job right here. Keep rloling on through.

    • Dashrath says:

      Hi Sasha!I really eneoyjd reading your recent post! In the post you wrote about your new Tsunami wheelchair and I’m so glad you love it. I work for Ki Mobility and I was wondering if I can post a link to your post on our Facebook page so new people can enjoy your article as well and see how much you like your Ki Mobility chair!Thanks for your time!Kate

  2. Pesona says:

    Sasha, I just fell across your page today, thknas to some link-smashing lol. I am 24 years old, and like you am a young adult adjusting to all the differences that come w/ being partially disabled. Partially just meaning that it’s not the black and white everyone thinks of when they say able-bodied or disabled . Like you, I have my good days and bad days. I have forearm crutches, I have canes/walking sticks, and as of December I have my own wheelchair. And yes, I have a love/hate relationships w/ all of the above lol. I just wanted to say thank you for your words, and sharing. I’ve thought about starting a blog but am never sure what to write about. I’ve beeen looking for people that understand, but didn’t know where to find em. Thanks to you, my spirit is lifted a little while longer Sincerely, Jacoby

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